using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize