Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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