Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
pray to the hookup gods
Randomize
