So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
