Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
