just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
