i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize