do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
