Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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