We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
