It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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