I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
