I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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