Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
