'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
How naked do you want me to be?
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