it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Randomize
