The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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