I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
