It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
