Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
No more Irish car bombs ever.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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