Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
