Pappa wants mamma naked
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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