I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
