so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
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