Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
