im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
