I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
