Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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