It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
