I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
