I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
