forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
