We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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