I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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