It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
