She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
