Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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