it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
