So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
