That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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