We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
