i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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