That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
