she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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