Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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