Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He better not be in your backpack
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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