If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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