I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
