My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
