At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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