i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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