i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
My vagina just clenched in fear
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
