you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
