I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize