fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
