and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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