I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
