My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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