Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
