im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
My feet surprised me
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