where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
4 words: hood of his car
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
The Olympian is in my bed
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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