hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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