what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
