Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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