Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
