White coat. Heels.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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