if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
