she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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