remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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