did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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