Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(708): View more from Illinois

Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?

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(815): View more from Illinois

Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco

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(662): View more from Mississippi

Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.

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(248): View more from Michigan

Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.

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(985): View more from Louisiana

the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.

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(786): View more from Florida

And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.

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(360): View more from Washington

I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.

(1-360): View more from Washington

It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.

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(317): View more from Indiana

Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife

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