I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
