Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
