Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I want a musical about memes.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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