i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
