You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
jump out the window naked night went bad
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize