I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Randomize
