I only kidnapped one of them. chill
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
