brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
We're using joints as your birthday candles
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
