It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
