the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
