She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
