I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
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