You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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