I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
