He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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