Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
