I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize