thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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