I'll bet she douches with gravy.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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