Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
