After last night, I could never be a politician.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
