My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
oh god was she eating orange peels again
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
