How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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