Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
