But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize