Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
