Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
