I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I would fuck him just for his dog
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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